By: Shattered Glass Rose
Find her on Twitter @Shattered1025
So, today I was at church and was TOTALLY PISSED OFF!!! Which sucks, because I fester and It just makes me more and more angry as the evening progresses. Four things happened that pissed me off. The first two are insignificant and really don't matter. The last two (the last especially) had me so angry that I had to fight back the tears. So here goes.
First, I play in the hand bell choir at my church. At the end of the last bell year (May) one of our members (Rachel) informed us that she will be moving to another part of the state by the end of Aug. and would not be continuing with us this year, which started tonight. When she said that, I told our director that I wanted her bells because the technique that I have to use to play my bells hurts my hand. I hold two bells in each hand and after an hour long practice, my fingers hurt really badly. Well, he didn't remember and gave those bells to someone else.
Second, I went to get my gloves that I had purchased at the beginning of last year and they were gone. Someone had taken them out of my folder and tossed them in with all of the nasty used gloves that are God only knows how old.
I can look over those two things. But the rest is where I was about to go off on someone.
So... back to it.
Third, I am in there and we are playing a piece that I have never even looked at. I can read music, but reading it and playing it perfectly the first time are totally different. Our director was getting frustrated with me because I kept fudging this particularly hard part. I told him that it was the first time that I had ever seen the piece, at all. And he tells me that I was supposed to have gotten my music at the end of June and taken it home to look it over. I reminded him that I was HAVING A BABY at the end of June. His response, "Well, we all have lives." Are you fucking kidding me!!! So, while I am dealing with my first newborn as a single mom, I am supposed to be looking over a piece of music because you want to have a rehearsal with no errors? Screw you buddy!!! I could not make eye contact with him for the rest of practice, because I knew that if I did, I would either go off on him or burst into tears. Neither would have been good. I also couldn't look behind me, because my mother stands in the row behind mine in bells, and the moment I made eye contact with her, I would have been a sobbing mess, guaranteed.
And the final straw, which was a huge fucking straw...
Fourth, I am getting J out of the nursery and the care giver asked me who it is that J gets his red hair from. I responded with "No one from my side. His S.D., and I call him that because D (my friends' four year old son) will repeat what I say if I call him what I really want to, was adopted at birth. So, we know nothing of his biologicals. Not that he is around to answer those questions, even if he did know." It is common knowledge that Sperm Donor, texted the night before J was born and told me he wants nothing to do with me or J. CHICKEN SHIT! Well, a mutual friend of Sperm Donor/Chicken Shit and myself was in the room and when I said that, she throws her hands in the air, gets pissed, says "I can't take this!" and storms out of the building. Her father follows after her and I can see them outside while she is going off because I bad mouthed someone who she clearly thinks is the fucking Dad of the year! Really! Are you fucking serious! I gave him chance after chance to be a part of J's life and he said he would, and then didn't even have the balls to call and actually tell me that he was a spineless coward who couldn't do right by his son. It was his choice to not be a part of this perfect little angel who has been the silver lining to a very dark cloud in my life. I did not force him out. Why the fuck is she mad at me! She had been my friend since 2000, and she is going to take the side of a dead beat whom she has only known for two or three years. Well, Fuck her and the friendship. Because I can not have that kind of person around me or J! He needs people who understand the situation and support him. Not people who think that he and I are the ones in the wrong. I started thinking about it later and I realized that she is the only friend who has not even looked at him. She hasn't held him, asked questions about him, or even feigned any sort of interest in his or my well being. And neither has her hubs. So there is no telling what Fuck face, Dead Beat Dad has told them. But, you know what? They can all go fuck themselves in a fucking circle jerk! I don't give a damn. I don't need them and J sure as Hell doesn't need them. Fucking Bitch!!!
I know that I am probably overreacting, but there are certain people you don't mess with. Some of them happen to be Scorpios, Italians/Sicilians, and Mothers. And I happen to be all three of those. UGH!!!
